


Silver Springs

by charleia



Category: American Horror Story, American Horror Story: Roanoke
Genre: AU, F/F, Fluff, Hurt, blue jay, slowburn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-11
Updated: 2020-03-16
Packaged: 2020-10-14 18:09:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 15,751
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20605106
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/charleia/pseuds/charleia
Summary: Seventeen years ago, Audrey left the United States to attend a prestigious drama academy in London, leaving everyone and everything behind.When her friend’s wedding day draws her back to North Carolina, she reconnects with an old friend, and it sends her spiralling back into the past.(AKA the Blue Jay AU legit no one asked for)





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This freaking AU has been in my blasted drive for MONTHS. After a recent rewatch I decided to give it a go because why not? Anyway! Blue Jay AU. It’s not canon compliant as I had to change it up a lot to cater it to these blonde bitches.  
It’s going to be multiple chapters, I’m not sure yet how many so. Here we go :)
> 
> Title: Silver Springs by Fleetwood Mac

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> __  
I’ve got a hundred million reasons to walk away, but baby I just need one good one to stay.  
\- Lady Gaga

_ 2002 _

“I’m going to miss you so very much,”

Audrey wiped her eyes with the sleeves of her cashmere sweater. In the muted light in the hallway, she could scarcely make out Shelby’s facial expression, but she dared to wager that they mirrored her own somber one. “Now who will listen to my endless rants the cinematography of the most random movies? Who’s going to stay up with me until three in the morning watching cheesy rom coms?” she asked. “Who will cheer me on and hype me up when I have auditions?”

In spite of herself, Shelby laughed, a light and bubbly sound, “I think it’s very healthy that you admit that they are, in fact, endless,” she said, then whispered, “You’ll be okay. You’re going to do such great things,” she gently brushed her fingers over Audrey’s cheeks, wiping away the tears. “I just know you are.”

“Oh shut up you’re going to make me cry even more,” Audrey’s smiled now but her voice carried a certain kind of broken melancholy that didn’t go lost on Shelby. “I’ll be okay too, you know… If that’s what you’re worried about?”

“Of course I worry about it. What if… What if something happens? What if you have a relapse or- or an attack and I won’t be there to help you.”

“I haven’t had one in months, Aud, I promise you I’ll be fine.” Shelby said, “If not, you’re only a plane ride away.” she joked, an attempt to lighten up the conversation.

“Oh, yeah only a plane ride away,” Audrey mimicked with a snort. She wrapped her arms around her and pulled her close, nose pressed to her shoulder. “I still have my doubts about going back to England, though.” she mumbled. 

“ _ Aud- _ this is the Royal Academy of Dramatic Arts we’re talking about! Do you realise how big that is? Not everyone gets in, you know, let alone get a scholarship. I would love for you to stay with me but this is a huge opportunity! It could determine the rest of your entire life.”

Shelby’s words buzzed through Audrey’s mind, over and over again. She was right, as always. More than she likely realised. Not that Audrey would  _ ever _ admit that to her. 

She had mulled it over in her head countless of times. Acting had always been her dream. Ever since she was a young girl, she wanted nothing more than to live her life in the spotlights, on red carpets, adored by thousands and thousands of fans but now that she was handed the perfect opportunity to make all of that happen, she wasn’t so sure anymore. A part of her did still long for the fine art of theatre but another part, a part that grew stronger every day, every  _ minute _ , felt perfectly content with staying right there, in that small village in North Carolina where she’d been living since she was thirteen years old.

Upon their initial meeting, they hadn’t exactly been the best of friends. Better yet, in the first couple of weeks they had barely spared one another so much as a glance. Audrey made it a thing to avoid being alone with her in their dorm. She had thought Shelby to be annoying, a peculiar social pariah, whereas Shelby had found Audrey extremely haughty and arrogant. 

Then one night, when Shelby’s terrible night terrors had awoken them both, Audrey had pushed all of that aside and she’d comforted her, held her until the crying had ceased and they had stayed up until dawn, talking about anything, everything and nothing at all, until they had both fallen asleep on Shelby’s bed. It’d been the very beginning of their friendship. 

Shelby had never been very adept at making friends. For the longest time she had been a bit of an outcast. A lot of the time, people would even pick on her as well, but with Audrey by her side, no one would dare to even so much as  _ look _ at her funny. 

More and more often, they would spend time together. They sat together in class, did their homework together, they spent nearly every afternoon together in their dorm or the park nearby. Everywhere Audrey went, Shelby would follow and vice versa.

They became inseparable.

And over time, Audrey couldn’t help but fall for Shelby’s sweet charms, her kind, azure eyes and her lovely and dazzling smile.

Audrey had loved her before even grasping the concept of love. 

She just hadn’t realised it in time that _ that _ was what it was, not until it was much too late. Audrey wasn’t even sure whether Shelby felt the same about her but she was more than willing to stay and figure out what exactly lingered between the two of them. Maybe, just maybe, she felt the same and then maybe, if she stayed, they could build a life together. They could be happy.

Just  _ maybe _ .

“Aud?” Shelby whispered softly, patting Audrey on the back and pulling back from the embrace, effectively cutting of her stream of thoughts. “You’re not going to change your mind now, are you?”

Audrey shrugged. Rain trickled against the small window of the front door, small droplets casting their watery shadows on Shelby’s face in the moonlight. “I don’t know,” she said after a long pause. “I’ll be gone for over five years. By then, my life will be in England.”  _ And your life will be here, approximately 4,000 miles away from me. _ Audrey neglected saying those last words aloud, sighing softly. She’d calculated it, a couple of nights back. There were exactly 3,916 miles in between Fayetteville, North Carolina and London, England. A considerable distance since Shelby’s bed had been less than five metres away from her for the better part of a decade. 

“But you were always planning on going back, right? You were only here to attend highschool and college. What has changed?” Shelby’s tone was suggestive, as though she knew the answer all too well but wanted to hear it come from Audrey’s mouth anyway. 

“Maybe, I—” Audrey sighed deeply, closing her eyes momentarily, “I don’t know, I guess there’s…”

Shelby lowered her eyebrows and squeezed Audrey’s arm, prompting her to continue whatever thought she’d been voicing but had abandoned halfway through. 

“Shelby…” Audrey’s heart rattled in her chest. She bit her lip, a vain attempt in keeping herself from spilling countless of confessions. 

“Tell me,”

“I just don’t think I am ready to leave  _ you _ just yet.” Audrey said, and though her voice was barely above a whisper, Shelby understood her every word. “If I were to stay, it’d be for  _ you  _ only.” Audrey looked up, now, carefully gauging Shelby’s reaction as far as possible in the darkness. She wasn’t sure what to make of it. Shelby smiled softly, but it didn’t quite reach her eyes. Instead, her eyes carried some type of sadness that she couldn’t quite place, something bittersweet, almost. A clear inner conflict. Sighing softly, she leaned closer to Audrey wrapping her arms around her and touched her head against hers. “You really shouldn’t stay for me. I don’t want you to just throw all that away as if it’s nothing.” Shelby’s movements were slightly stiff, almost robot-like, as if she was trying to hold herself back but she failed miserably at doing so. 

“Shelby...” 

“Aud, don’t—” 

“I think...” Audrey voice was barely above a whisper as she spoke. She tilted her head up slightly. “I think I’m in love with you.”

Shelby just swallowed and nodded, as though Audrey had simply stated a well-known fact, one that didn’t need saying, for it was obvious and clear as day. Deep down she’d known for years already. She dipped her head down, noses brushing against one another and halted for a moment, as if she was either willing herself to stop- or trying to gain the courage to continue. 

Whether she succeeded or failed, Audrey wasn’t sure. Or- that is to say, she didn’t care. For a short, fleeting moment all her worries and anxieties dissipated as Shelby kissed her ever so gently. Her lips were soft and warm as they glided against her own and Audrey could still faintly taste the sweet, acidic flavour of the cheap wine they’d shared earlier that evening. Shelby’s hands wandered up, framing Audrey’s face, thumbs brushing over her cheeks. 

Sighing softly, Audrey nearly melted beneath her touch, but before she could comprehend what was happening, Shelby suddenly pulled back, muttering “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have done that,” and stepping back, putting as much distance between them as was possible in the narrow hallway. Her hand reached up, shaky fingers dragging over her lips. “I didn’t mean to do that, I— fuck, I really shouldn’t— I’m sorry.”

“You didn’t  _ mean _ to kiss me,” Audrey repeated blankly

“Audrey—” Shelby swallowed thickly, hugging her chest, and Audrey could tell she carefully and meticulously picking out her next words. “I love you too, Aud, a lot. I really do.” Just… Not like  _ that _ .” 

Audrey’s heart wrenched “Well, you could’ve fooled me just now,” she said curtly, immediately reprimanding herself mentally for being so blunt with Shelby. Exhaling sharply, she averted her gaze. 

Tears welled up in Shelby’s eyes. “Don’t be mad now Audrey,  _ please _ , this isn’t easy for me either.”

Audrey sighed, features softening. It couldn’t end like this, this simply could not be the end of nine years of friendship. They couldn’t part with a fight. 

Just a beat too late to be convincing, Audrey forced a smile. “I’m not mad,” she said in a much more gentle tone, desperately trying to keep the hurt out of her voice. “I’m sorry, of course I’m not mad, silly.” Carefully, she stepped closer to Shelby again, taking her hand in hers, “It’s okay.”

For a moment, neither spoke. They simply stood there, fingers tangling together, a habit that they’d fallen into over the years made to comfort one another in distressing situations. 

“I think I should get going,” Audrey said after a short while, “I still have some affairs I need to get in order before going to the airport,” she murmured. 

“Can I hug you one last time before you go?” Shelby asked softly. 

Audrey smiled, “Come here, you.” 

“Thank you,” Shelby pulled Audrey into a bone crushing hug, arms looping around her shoulders and holding onto her more tightly than ever, as if everything depended on it. “I’m so sorry,”

“Don’t apologise, darling, it’s okay.”

“It’s better this way, I promise.” Shelby whispered.

“What do you mean by that?” Audrey asked, but Shelby continued as if she hadn’t spoken. 

“This is what you’ve always wanted, this is your  _ dream _ ,” she said with slightly-feigned excitement in her voice.

Audrey smiled through her tears and pulled back from their embrace. “Come and visit me soon, yeah?”

“Of course, will do.” Shelby said. “Now, go- I wouldn’t want you missing your plane because of me. Go live your dream, Aud. Go and make me proud.” __  
  
  
  


_ 2019 _

The first weeks,  _ months _ , even, after she returned to London, Shelby had been the only thing Audrey could think about. 

Over and over, she would repeat their last night together in her mind. Back then, she remembered every fine detail. How Shelby had held her, how the moonlight had illuminated her cherubic features with its softly glowing beams, she remembered the cold chill emanating from the badly isolated walls and how Shelby had tenderly rubbed her arms for warmth. She even remembered the song that had drifted from the radio in the living room as they said their goodbyes. Countless times she would replay it in her head, her foolish declaration of love, Shelby kissing her, then  _ rejecting _ her. Getting over her took longer than she cared to admit, but as the years went by, those memories had begun to fade to the background. 

Until now.

From the moment she’d received Monet’s email announcing her wedding, it had been the only thing on Audrey’s mind.

Night after night she lay awake, trying to remember the night before she left North Carolina. It’d been nearly twenty years since she’d left. It’d been  _ years _ since the last time she thought about that night. She barely remembered any of it, she had tucked those memories away in a dark little nook of her mind, but as she lay there, tiny shreds of that night began to resurface, like a camera zooming into focus. 

They had tried to stay in touch, of course, but it wasn’t easy with such opposing schedules and their five hour time difference. Weekly calls soon turned into monthly calls and monthly calls slowly faded into sporadic calls every so often. Now, years later, it was just the occasional  _ like  _ or  _ comment _ on her facebook page or a polite holiday greeting or a “Happy Birthday” every August 10th.

Audrey had figured that she’d closed off that chapter of her life. She’d moved on. She’d even started seeing other people, but aside from a couple of fleeting romances while working on various productions, she’d had only had one serious relationship. Rory, a simple young man about as energetic as three kids on a sugar rush combined. She’d loved him dearly but a part of her always felt as though something was missing. Their split had been an amicable one. At any rate, it had brought them closer together, for he was still one of her best friends. However, while Rory had now been happily married to another girl, a brunette named Violet with big doe eyes who was about as calm as he was energetic, Audrey had never really found love again.

She’d hesitated about going back there, afraid that it would bring up too many memories, but at the same time she’d been curious. Did Shelby still live there? How was she doing now? A couple of years back she’d read something about her getting married to a guy named Matt, but the last couple of months, he’d been eerily absent from the pictures on her social media pages. The last thing she’d heard from her was about her father passing, a little over two weeks ago. She had debated on messaging her for hours, thumbs hovering above the keyboard of her phone, uncertain of what to say. In the end, she’d given up. She was no longer a participant in Shelby’s life, no matter how badly she still wanted to be. 

Before Audrey could hesitate about whether or not she would go for too long, Monet had already phoned her, insisting that declining her invitation simply wasn’t an option and that she was already in the process of booking her flight as they were speaking. Apparently, as Monet spiritedly chattered on, her intended had been quite a wealthy guy so paying her back most definitely wasn’t necessary. If needed, she could even stay at her place during her visit.

Even as she sat there at Fayetteville Regional Airport, Audrey still had her doubts. Monet had promised to pick her up but upon landing, she’d already gotten a couple of messages from her. Something had come up. She was  _ sincerely _ sorry, she would pay for an uber and she would try to see her at dinner time.

Groaning softly, she dropped down in one of the plastic chairs. After nearly sixteen hours of travel, two stops and a loudly screaming infant that, of course, had to be seated right next to her, she was only  _ slightly _ annoyed. 

She sank down in her chair. For what felt like the millionth time, she looked at her phone, checking if somehow, miraculously, the fifteen minute wait for a ride had already reduced to five, or better yet- that her ride had already arrived. She was not particularly overjoyed to see that exactly one minute had passed since the last time she had checked.

For a moment, she considered calling Shelby, to let her know she was in town. She wondered, though, would Shelby even  _ want _ to meet her? Audrey wasn’t even sure whether Shelby still lived here in their old hometown. Maybe she’d moved away, maybe that Matt guy had swept her off to some fancy town in a different state. With a sigh, she closed her messenger app again. Perhaps she could ask Monet, once she got home. Shelby had been a mutual friend of theirs and maybe they  _ had _ stayed in touch. Maybe she would even be at the wedding. Audrey hadn’t really thought of that. Suddenly, she regretted coming back to the States. What good would it do if it only brought her sorrow? If it only opened up old wounds that had never properly healed in the first place? She had half a heart to grab her suitcase and take the very first flight back to London, but before she could act upon this notion, the screen of her phone lit up, announcing that her ride had arrived.  __  
  


Audrey had just woken up from a nap when Monet arrived home, loudly and excitedly. She hadn’t changed a single bit since they were younger. After ordering a heap food and basically force feeding Audrey, who insisted on not being hungry, she’d launched into a long winded story of how she had met her husband, Mason and how amazing he was and how the entire wedding was going to be  _ so _ perfect,  _ especially _ with Audrey there but Audrey, too occupied with her own thoughts, had barely been able to listen. 

“Hey, Mon?”

“What’s up, babe?” Monet looked up, now, pausing the movie they’d been watching with half an eye, and smiled friendly. 

“You remember Shelby, right?”

“Shelby…” Monet repeated, moreso to herself than to Audrey, “No… Doesn’t ring a bell.”

“Miller, her last name was. Could be different now, though, I am pretty sure she got married.”

Monet pursed her lips, pondering on it for a second. “Oh hold on- You mean  _ Shelby _ , yes of course I remember her! How could I not? She’s the girl who was basically your conjoined twin while you were here?”

Audrey blushed fiercely. “I suppose you could put it that way.” she said, “I was wondering- Do you happen to know what happened to her? does she still live here? Her childhood home isn’t very far from here.”

“I don’t think so,” Monet said, and Audrey’s heart sank. “At some point, she got married to a friend of Mason’s, Mark— I think his name is?”

“Matt,”

“ _ Matt _ , it was Matt. Any way, they moved to Los Angeles I think. Although I am pretty sure they recently got a divorce, heard Mason talking about it to his mates not too long ago.” She shifted on her seat. “Why the interest?”

Audrey shrugged. “No reason,” she said, feigning apathy. She averted her gaze, looking at the paused television screen. 

“You know,” Monet began, “I used to always think you two were a thing,”

“A thing?” Audrey echoed blankly, sitting upright.

“Yeah, you know? A couple.”

“I know what ‘ _ a thing’ _ means, Monet,” Audrey said, rolling her eyes. “I just meant— why did you think we were?”

Monet shrugged. “You two were always together, always holding hands or just like- just touching each other in subtle ways, and— It was actually really sweet,” she laughed, “You always looked at her like… Oh, I don’t even know how to describe it, as if you were looking at a sunset. It just seemed very clear to me at least that you were in love with her.”

“Oh?” Audrey fidgeted with one of the tassels on the blanket Monet had given her. Had it been that obvious? 

“And she did the exact same thing to you,” Monet continued, “I wasn’t the only one who thought so, though! A lot of people did.”

“Well,” Audrey said with a slight bitterness in her voice. “You were right about one thing.”

Monet raised her eyebrows and motioned for Audrey to elaborate.

“I did love her,” Audrey said slowly. “I was very much in love with her, so much so that, had I not gotten that scholarship, I probably would’ve never left the states. I even considered declining,”

“I have a feeling there is going to be a ‘but’”

“There is no ‘but’, It simply wasn’t mutual.” Audrey just said. “We had a very close bond and she  _ did _ love me too but not the way I loved her. Not romantically.”

Monet rested her hand on Audrey’s leg. “I’m sorry, that sucks,”

“It’s in the past, Mon,” Audrey mumbled, studying her perfectly manicured nails, “I’m over it. It’s been seventeen years, you know. I’ve moved on.”

“Right, of course,” Monet replied, eyes fixated on Audrey. She didn’t seen convinced in the slightest but, thankfully, she was hardly the one to pry. “You’ve moved on.”

Audrey swallowed, refusing to look up at Monet, to meet her gaze. “Yes. I did. Like I said, I moved on,” she said briskly, “Can we get on with the movie now?” __  
  


It was early when Audrey awoke the next morning. The clock in Monet’s guest room read about five o'clock in the morning.  _ Blasted jetlag.  _ As quietly as she could, she got up, taking a quick shower and dressing herself in a simple white dress and a thick cardigan. 

She quickly scribbled a note, letting Monet know that she’d gone for a walk just in case she woke up before she’d return, before stepping outside into the chilly winter weather. It was quiet, early, she was hardly ever up at this hour. Hardly anyone was. Dawn had yet to break, the streets were almost entirely abandoned. Audrey had missed it, the peace and quiet of the suburbs in Fayetteville. London was loud and crowded, overwhelming at times, she quite enjoyed being away from that for a while.

Huddling in her thick coat, she stuck her hands in its pockets, calmly and quietly strolling around the neighbourhood. Slowly but steadily, it seemed to come to life. Lights were turned on inside the houses, birds began to chirp their songs, people begrudgingly stepped outside and climbed into their cars, ready to go to work and start the day. 

After walking around for about an hour, Audrey settled down on one of the benches in the park nearby Monet’s house. She’d had so many fond memories here. This park had been Shelby’s favourite. They had spent hours upon hours there together, from picnics in the spring, to waterfights in summer, to building snowmen in winter. A bittersweet feeling crept over her, happy to have those fond memories but upset at how they now felt a little tainted now that they were no longer close to one another. They were barely even  _ friends _ at this point. 

A sudden thump against her knee pulled her from her reverie. She looked down only to find a big beige labrador bumping his head against her knee. “Oh hello there little guy,” the petted the dogs head. “You scared me a little.”

“Audrey?”

Startled by the familiarity of the voice, Audrey looked up only to find none other than Shelby Miller standing right beside her.

Shelby smiled. The same smile that had captured her heart so many moons ago. Her azure eyes still carried that same sparkle, her lips still had that same curve, her voice, though it had matured, still had that exact same twang. She was still so authentically  _ Shelby _ and at lightspeed, it all came rushing back. Her heart skipped several beats and for a prolonged moment, Audrey forgot how to breathe.

“Hey, stranger, is it okay if I sit with you?”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time casts a spell on you, you won’t forget me. I know I could’ve loved you but you would not let me.
> 
> \- Stevie Nicks

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here we go, gays, chapter two. Meet Arlo the dog. I would die for him

_ 1993 _

Broken sobs and loud wails pierced through the silence in the night. Audrey sat up in bed, disoriented at first but quickly locating the source of the noise.  _ Shelby… _ Sighing softly, she hopped out of bed, padding over to Shelby’s.

“Shel?”

It had almost become a routine to her by now. The first couple of times it happened, she’d panicked, unable to comfort Shelby or soothe her anxiety, but as it kept happening more and more often, she’d gotten better at it. By now, she knew the exact tricks that would help her calm down.

“Hey, Shel…” She sat down on Shelby’s bed, gently tugging on her arm, coaxing her out of her slumber. “Shelby, wake up,” she whispered, running a delicate hand up and down her arm, “It’s just a dream, everything is okay, I’m right here, we’re okay.”

Shelby shot up, panting, whimpering, tears still streaming down her reddened cheeks, “Audrey?” she asked, eyes wide in fear, hand seeking refuge in Audrey’s. 

“I am right here,” Audrey repeated, fingers combing through Shelby’s long locks. “No need to worry, no need to be afraid, I am right here with you.” She wrapped her free arm around Shelby, rocking her gently. “Come on _ , _ darling, remember your cookie breathing.” she said as she demonstrated the breathing exercise the therapist had taught her. “You can do this, inhale through your nose, exhale through your mouth.”

Shelby nodded. With a shuddery exhale, she tried to follow her lead. She closed her eyes, leaning her head onto Audrey’s shoulder and wrapping her arms around her middle. Slowly but steadily, her breathing regulated. “I’m so sorry I woke you up again,” she mumbled, sniffling quietly. 

“You know I don’t mind, silly,” Audrey said softly, “Hey? We’ll get through it together.”

“You need to go back to sleep, you have that test tomorrow.” 

Audrey snorted, “Yeah, because that is what’s important now,” she said, touching her head to Shelby’s. “Don’t be ridiculous, I’m staying up with you.”

“You really— You don’t have to do that for me.”

“I know,” Audrey said with a shrug, “I want to though,” she gently patted Shelby’s shoulder, pulling away from their embrace. “Hold on,”

“Wait—” Shelby grabbed onto Audrey’s wrist, fear once again spreading over her features “Where are you going? You’re not leaving me, are you?”

“No, of course not— It’s okay I’ll be right back, don’t you worry,” Audrey reassured her. She dashed over to her own side of the room, grabbing her walkman from her nightstand. “Here,” she said softly as she sat down next to Shelby again, slipping a cassette into the gadget. “Let’s listen to some music together, I got you a Nirvana one, you like them don’t you?” she asked, turning the sound up just a tad.

Shelby nodded, resting her head onto Audrey’s shoulder again, “They’re my favourite,” she murmured, taking Audrey’s hand in hers, fidgeting with the charms on her golden bracelet in absence, “Thank you, Aud, I really appreciate you being there for me.” 

Audrey scooted closer, tugging her comforter over the two of them, “Of course,” she said, “That’s what friends are for, right?”

Shelby lifted her head, pressing a kiss to Audrey’s cheek. “You’re my best friend, forever.”

“Forever,” Audrey agreed, “I promise you, I’ll always be there for you.”

“Pinky promise?” Shelby asked, holding up her hand with her little finger stretched out. 

Smiling softly, Audrey nodded, curling her own pinky around Shelby’s.

“Pinky promise.”

  
  


_ 2019 _

“Hey, stranger,” Shelby said, “it okay if I sit with you?”

Audrey’s heart thumped rapidly as she racked her brain, trying to string a coherent sentence together but suddenly, every single word in the english dictionary had slipped her mind. “Shelby,” she stood up from the bench, unsure of what to do with herself. Was it okay to hug her? Was it okay to even  _ touch  _ her? “Hey,” she breathed, smiling softly. 

“Hey,” Shelby echoed, smiling back at her and for a moment, silence lingered between them, both unsure of what to say. 

It was as though Shelby had cast some type of spell on her, silencing her with her presence alone. Audrey was completely and utterly dumbfounded. Shelby hadn’t changed a single bit. She still had the exact same effect on Audrey. She still made her heart beat about ten times faster, she still made her feel weak in the knees and she still felt those same butterflies in her stomach.

For the longest time those feelings lay dormant. Shw had been able to convince herself that she was over her, that she had moved on entirely, but now that she was standing right before her again, seventeen years later, she was beginning to have her doubts.

“God, Shelby— it’s so good to see you,” said Audrey eventually, “How are you doing?”

“I’m doing alright,” Shelby gave a small nod, smiling in a way that didn’t quite reach her eyes. She had answered quickly and methodically, not at all in her quintessential soft-spoken way that she usually had, that Audrey had a feeling that in the last couple of days she’d gotten this question quite a few times and that by now she was responding on auto-pilot. “What about you? What are you doing in Fayetteville?” 

“Oh, well—” Audrey sat down again, motioning Shelby to do the same. “I’m here for a wedding. You remember Monet Tumusiime?”

“Vaguely,”

“Yeah— She’s getting married, I’m here for a couple of days to help prepare her and to attend.”

“Ah,” Shelby’s dog pressed its head against her hand and she pet it in absence. “I didn’t know you two were still close like that,”

Audrey shrugged and pursed her lips. “We’re not  _ that _ close. We were never extremely close,”  _ You were the only one who was truly close to me _ . 

“Close enough to cross the ocean,” Shelby pointed out and, perhaps Audrey was imagining it, but she detected a hint of jealousy in her voice. “I wish you’d have come to my wedding too.”

Frowning, Audrey shifted in her seat, “An invitation would have been nice,” she replied blankly. 

Shelby blushed fiercely, “Yeah! No— Of course, I wanted to… I just wasn’t sure if—you know, you get it, right?” 

“Do I?”

“Well— I’m sorry, I just… Never mind,”

Audrey sighed quietly. Shelby looked tired, she noticed now that she was sitting close to her. Her eyes were red rimmed as if she had cried not too long ago, the dark circles beneath her eyes made her already pale skin seem almost incandescent by comparison. “It’s okay,” she said, smiling reassuringly. “I don’t mean to put you on the spot like that, my apologies.” She slid her hand a little closer to Shelby’s, unsure of whether or not the gesture was welcome or not but to her surprise, Shelby took it, lacing their fingers together like they had always done so many times in the past. Audrey’s heart quivered at the familiarity.

Shelby said nothing, she just smiled somewhat miserably and gently squeezed Audrey’s hand in a silent gesture of gratitude.

A soft autumn breeze blew and Shelby shuddered in her thin coat. “So… If you have a wedding to prepare— I don’t want to hold you or anything, I should go back inside anyway. It’s getting late,” she said. “I’m temporarily staying at my dad’s place. Or— well…” there was a slight crack in her voice, almost imperceptible had Audrey not been so familiar with the telltale signs that Shelby was near to crying. “— what  _ used _ to be his place. We need to pack up his stuff.”

“Oh— no that’s fine, don’t worry about it,” said Audrey, “I was very sorry to hear. I really liked your dad.”

“He really liked you,” Shelby replied, a soft smile tugging on her lips as she seemed to be thinking about a fond memory. “He always asks, or…  _ asked,—”  _ she amended, “— me about you. How you’re doing and whether I’d spoken to you recently. He struggled a lot with his dementia at the end. His head was stuck in the late nineties, back when you were still here, that’s why, maybe.”

Audrey just nodded. “Yeah, maybe.”

“Well,” Shelby slowly hoisting herself up from the bench, “I still should get going before I catch a cold.” she said, not yet relinquishing her hold on Audrey’s hand. She clicked her tongue at her dog, “You comin’, Arlo?”

Arlo hopped up, dashing away, tugging on the leash but Shelby didn’t move. She was stalling now, Audrey knew, for usually, her movements were rather agile and lithe but now, she seemed to be dragging them out, postponing her inevitable departure.

“Wait, Shel—” Audrey said, standing up as well. “Would you like to have some coffee with me first? I mean— catch up a little? If you want you can borrow my scarf against the cold.”

“Oh— that sounds great!” said Shelby with a bright smile, “My aunt and brother both left last night, I’ve sort of been putting off going home… I don’t really like being there on my own it feels— suffocating almost.”

Audrey gave a small nod, reassuringly squeezing Shelby’s hand. “I understand that,” she said softly, “It can’t be easy, but I’ll be here for a week or so, in case you need someone. That is, if you want me to be that someone.”

“That’s sweet of you,” Shelby blushed slightly, “But I wouldn’t want to burden you with that,you’re supposed to be preparing for a wedding.”

Audrey waved her hand dismissively. “Monet will understand,” she said, “— and if not well. That’s on her.”

Exhaling softly, Shelby smiled gratefully and, catching Audrey entirely off-guard, she wrapped her arms around her and pulled her close, “Thank you,” she said softly, “I really appreciate that, Aud. I’ve really missed you so much, I am really glad you’re here right now.”

“Oh, Shel…” Audrey looped her arms around Shelby’s shoulders, fingers digging into her skin. “I’ve missed you too,”

Arlo excitedly bumped his head against Shelby’s leg, nudging her for attention. 

With a small smile, Audrey pulled back slightly, eyeing the spirited labrador. “I think someone’s getting a little jealous.” 

Shelby laughed, petting him on the head “Aw Arlo, are you a little jealous, baby? You know you’re my favourite guy.” She turned back to Audrey. “l adopted him from the shelter a couple of months back, after… I was just going through a really rough time. He was next on the list to be put down but the second I saw him I just fell in love.” With a soft smile, she tenderly scratched behind his ear. “He’s used to getting a lot of attention but he’s definitely not used to sharing.” she tugged on his leash, “Come on, boy,” then— stuck her hand out for Audrey to take, “Where do you want to go?” she asked, “We could go to Polk’s?”

“That still exists?” Audrey took her hand as they set off, Arlo running ahead of them. For years on end it’d been their favourite place to go, whether it was to drink tea and eat pastries, to do their homework or even just to sit there and enjoy their afternoons together. 

Shelby nodded enthusiastically. “I drove past it just last week! Apparently, the previous owner’s sons took over in their mother’s name.”

“That’s actually really sweet,” Audrey’s heart fluttered once again. Shelby was walking so closely to her that their shoulders brushed. She needed to be careful, though, she knew that. She couldn’t get carried away again. Shelby never liked her like that, so why would that be any different now? Better yet, even if Shelby did like her as more than a friend, Audrey had moved on. She was  _ not  _ planning on going through that same heartbreak again. Slowly, she distanced herself ever so slightly, just enough to stop their shoulders from touching, but not nearly enough for Shelby to notice something was askew.

In comfortable silence, they made their way to the café. Audrey hadn’t walked these roads in nearly two decades but with Shelby everything just felt so familiar, it might as well have been yesterday since the last time she did.

  
Polk’s had only been a short ten minute walk away from the park. Walking inside had been as if Audrey walked through a portal to the past. Nearly everything looked exactly the same, even the faint smell of ground up coffee beans and freshly baked apple pie still lingered there.

They sat down at the same table they’d (unofficially) claimed as their own back they were younger, Arlo obediently hobbling behind Shelby and laying down by her feet.

“Well, what do you know!” the waiter, a short man with dark hair and a scraggly beard, stood beside their table. “Shelby Miller, right? Audrey Tindall? Woah, you two haven’t changed a bit! And you’re still together, how nice!”

Both women looked at him, slightly stunned, both at the fact that he assumed they were together as well as the fact that he somehow recognised them

“It’s Brian! Brian Polk, we used to go to school together along with my brothers?” 

“Ah, right of course!” Shelby said, smiling politely, “I remember now, you’re Frank’s younger brother! How are you? I heard you and your brothers are now running this place. I love how you kept it exactly the same, authentically your mother.”

Brian beamed with pride, letting out a shy laugh, “Well, we try, you know. It wasn’t easy, Frank and Orson wanted to remodel but I stood my ground! Mama would’ve hated that, she decorated this entire place herself. She was quite the artist,” 

“She painted all of the art pieces here?”

Brian nodded vehemently and launched into a long winded story. Audrey was barely listening. Head resting in her hands, she glanced at Shelby, heart warming at the way she so effortlessly drew people in, how naturally charming she was even without trying to be. Amidst Brian’s story, Shelby had noticed Audrey staring and to her credit, she didn’t say anything about it. She merely smiled and winked at her, hand briefly resting atop hers. 

“— but look at me, chattering your ears of, surely you’ll have better things to do. What can I get you ladies?”

“Oh just coffee is fine for me, thank you,” said Shelby, then directed her gaze towards Audrey, “What about you?”

“Hm, what?” ever so caught up in her thoughts, she’d barely followed the conversation. She looked up at Brian, who looked at her questioningly. “Oh— Can I just get a cup of tea, please?”

“You got it, ladies, it’ll be out in a minute.” 

Shelby shifted in her seat, resting her hand onto Audrey’s again. “Are you okay?” she asked, “You seem distracted.”

Eyes locked on their joint hands, she shrugged. “I’m okay,” she said softly, “Being here just— brings up so many memories.” 

It was as if everything from her past had been preserved into some kind of bubble for all those years, frozen in time, patiently awaiting her return.

“I know what you mean,” said Shelby. “Matt and I moved away ten years ago. I hadn’t been here in ages. Nothing has changed but everything seems different somehow.” 

Shelby stared out of the window, thoughts wandering. “It’s a little unnerving,” she mumbled, more so to herself, Audrey suspected, and laced their fingers together, thumb brushing over Audrey’s palm in absence.

“There you go, ladies,—” 

Jumping slightly at Brian’s sudden reappearance, Shelby looked up again. 

“— one cup of tea and one cup of coffee.” With a small thud he placed the cups on the table, then looked up, eyeing their hands and sighed. “You two are so adorable together.” he said, smiling brightly, “I used to already suspect something was going on between the two of you but— you know how those times were, people were very small-minded back then. Hell, it’s the reason why I didn’t dare coming out until I was in my late twenties.”

Shelby briefly looked at Audrey, eyebrows raised in astonishment but with a small smile tugging on her lips. “Thank you, Brian,” she said, “Yeah well, we’ve been going strong for a good— god, how long has it been? Over twenty years, now, right sweetheart?” — Audrey nodded in agreement— “We’ve known each other since we were thirteen.” Shelby continued, fingers brushing over Audrey’s cheek, a tender gesture, “It was love at first sight.”

“How romantic!” Brian swooned, “You two are very lucky to have found one another.”

“Yeah,” Shelby said, smiling endearingly at Audrey, “We truly are.”

“You know what—” Brian leaned in, “I’m not supposed to do this but whatever you guys’ cheque, it’s on the house.”

“Oh— no we couldn’t possibly take that from you!” said Shelby, but Brian waved his hand dismissively.

“I won’t take no for an answer! Please, let me do this for you two. As a thank-you for reminding me that there is still good in the world.”

Shelby laughed, “Alright, well thank you so much then!”

“It’s my pleasure,” Brian said, “Now— enjoy the coffee, I’ll be right over there if you need anything.”  
  


For the entire exchange, Audrey had not said a thing, quietly turning everything over in her mind. How different would her life have been had all of it been true? Perhaps she wouldn’t have been as successful in her career but maybe she would she have been happy. Then also— Shelby knew how Audrey felt about her when they were younger, she knew how things had ended for them. Why would she joke about it? Was she not aware of how difficult it’d been for Audrey? 

Eventually, she just shook her head, snorting and trying to hold in her laugher. “Jesus, Shelby maybe  _ you _ should have pursued a career in acting.”

“Say what you want, I just got us free coffee.”

At this, Audrey laughed, “Well alright, fair enough,”

Shelby pulled her hand back, wrapping them around her cup of coffee. “Tell me about what has been going on in your life,” she said, “I feel like we’ve only been talking about me.”

“Oh, well—” Audrey mirrored Shelby, hands wrapped around her cup, and shrugged. “I’ve done a couple of big productions on West End a couple of years back but I’ve sort of been taking a break. I feel like ladies of a certain age aren’t as high in demand anymore when it comes to acting.”

“That’s nonsense! You’re so talented, I’m sure it’s just your insecurities holding you back.”

Audrey pursed her lips. “Perhaps it’s a bit of both. I’ve actually been looking into writing my own play, I’ve been wanting to do so for a while now. Back when I was in school I followed a course on directing and I loved it but never really did anything with it.”

“Well, it’s never too late, you know?” Shelby said, sipping her coffee, “It’s never too late for anything. Are you seeing anyone?”

The question, and Audrey wasn’t quite sure why, made her blush. “Not really, no.” she said, “How are things with you and Matt?” Her eyes wandered down to Shelby’s hand, only now did she notice the absence of a wedding band. She could still see the white line of where her it used to be, as if she’d taken it off quite recently.

“Not much to say there,” Shelby said curtly. “A couple of days ago he called me, while I was here, and he decided to just… Tell me that he was seeing someone else and that he wanted a divorce.”

“Oh…”

“Yeah. It was long overdue, though, in the end we barely spoke to one another. We haven’t been together for a long time, neither of us just had the guts to officially call it quits. We still need to finalise everything but he was  _ kind _ enough to wait until things were wrapped up here.” 

“I’m so sorry to hear…” Audrey said softly. “So shortly after your dad, too.”

Shelby shrugged, “Matt has never been the empath.” She sounded aloof, but Audrey knew this to be a facade. “Like I said, it was long overdue.”

Not keen on imposing, Audrey just nodded. 

“Life goes on,” Shelby just said, lips curving up into a smile, a valiant attempt to lighten up the conversation. 

“So— do you have any plans for the day?” Audrey asked, after a short silence.

Shelby shook her head and sighed deeply, “No, just doing some cleaning up at my dad’s, you know— pack everything up, decide what stays, what goes, it’s not going to be easy but it needs to be done.”

“I could help you if you’d like?” 

Blushing slightly, Shelby shook her head. “I couldn’t ask that of you, besides I think your help is requested elsewhere, I’ve kept you long enough. Don’t you have a wedding to prepare?”

Audrey held up her hand, indicating for Shelby to wait, and grabbed her phone from her coat pocket. “I’m only one of many bridesmaids, she has got enough hands to help.” She quickly typed up a message, sending it to Monet, and put her phone back. “Looks like my afternoon just freed up.”

Seizing Audrey’s hands, Shelby exhaled softly “Aud, I—”

“Just say ‘thank you’”

Biting her lip, Shelby smiled bashfully. “Thank you.”

  
  
  


A short while later, the pair made their way back home, hands tangled together, Shelby wrapped up tightly into Audrey’s beige scarf. 

“Shel— look,” Audrey said suddenly, finger pointing at a small, artisanal looking shop. Tall jars filled with various kinds of colourful candies garced the window sill. Red and white awnings hung above the window, which was richly decorated with golden flourishes and big calligraphed letters spelling out the shop’s name; Saturn Sweets. “It’s still there!”

“Oh god—” Shelby gasped, “I used to spend  _ at least _ half of my allowance, there, every month! I loved Agnes’ taffy!” she peered through the window. “Audrey look— she’s also still there! How can she be alive, she was ancient back when we were in high school.”

Audrey gave her a playful shove, “Shelby,  _ please _ ,” she said— then after a beat, “Are we sure she’s alive? We haven’t seen her move yet.”

The pair burst out in laughter. “Audrey, stop it, she used to be so nice to us and we’re being total assholes.”

“Do you think she’d remember us?”

“Do you think she remembers those weird girls who showed up every single friday, like clockwork, with their painfully exact order? Yes. I do think so.”

“Nah, there’s no way, it’s been years!”

Shelby pursed her lips and smiled, waggling her eyebrows. “Well, I guess there’s only one way to find out.” She tied Arlo’s leash to one of the poles — petted him and kissed the top of his head before muttering a “Be right back sweetheart” — and dragged Audrey inside.  
  


“Hey Agnes!” Shelby said, carefully tiptoeing closer. 

The older woman looked up, peering over the rim of her glasses. “Good morning ladies,” Agnes looked up with a friendly smile. 

“We’re just looking around if that’s okay!”

“Alright, ladies, take your time!”

“Thank you, Agnes,” Audrey said, then to Shelby— “You remember our order?” Audrey asked.

“Of course I do, I remember  _ all _ of your favourites,”

Audrey bit her lip, smiling softly. Somehow the notion that Shelby had remembered that about her, even if it was a minor little tidbit, made her heart swell with joy. Leaning against the wall, she watched as Shelby picked out a wide assortment of sweets from lemon drops, Audrey’s favourite, to sour patch kids, her own favourite. Shelby was about to dig into the container of twizzlers when Audrey stopped her. 

“Careful, darling,” Audrey said, gently pushing, her hand to the container next to it, “Get these, these are the gluten free ones, remember? You always got them mixed up, it’d make you sick.”

“Oh right,” Shelby smiled gratefully, “thanks Aud,”

Audrey rested her hand on the small of Shelby’s back. “Anytime,” she said, “Do you have everything?” 

Shelby scanned the bag, mentally going over the list of their favourite candies, “Yeah, think so— Only Agnes’ taffy left.”

“Alright let’s get it then,” said Audrey, patting her on the back as they made their way to the register. 

“I recognise you girls now,” Agnes said. “Every friday, right? A bag of candies, one bag of caramel taffies and then—one cherry bonbon and a pistachio one, both cut in half to share?”

Shelby laughed, giving Audrey one of her I-told-you-so looks — earning a playful shove from Audrey — and nodded. “Yep, that would be us.”

“Specific but regular orders like those,” Agnes said, tapping the side of her head, “you never forget.” 

“Very impressive,” Audrey said as she handed over a couple of bills to pay for the candy. “There you go, Agnes, keep the rest as a tip.”

“Why, thank you girls, oh— Bless your souls!” 

Audrey smiled at the old woman, “The pleasure is ours,” she said, grabbing the small bags of candy from the counter. “It was good to see you, but we should get going again.”

“Likewise, god— you were such sweet girls, lovely, polite customers. Truly makes my day to see what wonderful women you have become. Have a great day, you two.”

  
  
  


“I can’t believe she recognised us!” Audrey marvelled.

“That woman honestly has a remarkable memory,” said Shelby, chewing on one of the gluten-free twizzlers and holding the bag out for Audrey to take. 

Audrey grabbed a few lemon drops and nodded. They were almost at Shelby’s childhood home, now, its chimney was already visible from where they were walking, but Arlo had different plans. He tugged on his leash, hobbling towards the park nearby. 

“I think Arlo wants to go to the park,” Audrey said, laughing. 

Shelby shrugged, “Want to take a detour around the park instead? We could sit in our hidden spot and eat these, you know, just like we used to.”

“Sure, I’m down for anything.” 

“Great!” Shelby said, “Well, let’s go then.”

  
  
  
  



	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Let me photograph you in this light  
In case it is the last time  
That we might be exactly like we were  
Before we realized  
We were sad of getting old  
It made us restless  
It was just like a movie  
It was just like a song
> 
> \- Adele

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for taking over thirty years, so much has happened in my life and itms just disappeared to the back of my mind (sorry in advance)

_ 1998 _

“That’s  _ it,  _ I'm not going tomorrow, I’m not going to get that stupid part anyway, want to bet? They’re going to give it to someone like freaking Abigail Tattler or— I don’t know Harriet Richards.”

Shelby sat up on her bed. “You’re  _ going _ and you’re getting that part. Come on, who else could play Lydia in Beetlejuice like you can?”

Groaning loudly, Audrey let herself fall to her own bed. “I can’t do this, I need a drink- Can’t we just go out?”

Shelby crossed her arms. “No we cannot, you’re doing so well! I won’t let you mess this up. Tell you what- if you get the part, I’ll take you out to o’Connells.”

Groaning, Audrey dragged herself up. “You know I can never pass up on that.” she said, “ _ Fine,  _ but you better stick to that promise, all drinks will be on you.”

“Great, whatever, I know you can do this and if it takes the promise of me getting you wasted to convince you of that, then so be it.”

Snorting, Audrey smiled softly., “Right. So any way…” Her heart fluttered. Somehow, she felt undeserving of Shelby’s unwavering faith in her. “It’s getting late. Let’s just go over this a couple more times, yeah?”

  
  


Audrey had been quietly taking a nap when suddenly, Shelby busted into their dorm. “Good morning, miss Lydia!” she called out loudly, shaking Audrey’s arm.

With a loud groan, Audrey sat up slightly. “Shelby with all due respect but what the everliving fuck are you talking about? Why did you wake me up, are you really that tired of life? I  _ will _ fight you.”

“As if you could take me,” Shelby sat down beside Audrey and wrapped an arm around her. “Look!” She held up the cast list, showing Audrey’s name at the very top of the list. “You did it!”

“You know you’re not supposed to take these lists, right?”

“Who  _ cares _ ! You got the part I’m so excited for you!” Shelby hugged her close and pressed a kiss to Audrey’s cheek. “We are going out and we’re going to celebrate tonight.  
  


Gentle jazz tunes drifted through the room of the pub. Audrey was sat in a small booth, sipping her drink when Shelby sat down next to her, handing her a refill already.

“You need to slow down with these drinks before I get alcohol poisoning.” Audrey grimaced.

“Your drinking game is  _ weak _ .” Shelby said, slurring slightly. She’d already been a little drunk, more so than Audrey.

Audrey laughed at the irony of her words, “Oh shut up,” she laughed, playfully shoving her. “Thank you for tonight, though, I really appreciate it.”

“Of course,” Shelby said, “You’re my best friend— ” She wrapped her arms around Audrey’s neck and pulled her close, “—I love you a lot.” Shelby tilted her head, kissing Audrey’s cheek.

“I love you too,” Audrey murmured. She turned her head towards Shelby’s, just as she was about to kiss her cheek again and for the briefest moment, their lips touched. Startled, Audrey pulled back. “Oh, I’m sorry.”

“Oops,” Shelby murmured with a goofy smile “No big deal,” she said, pressing another kiss to Audrey’s lips, long and lingering. “So, any way,” she moved away, patting Audrey’s shoulder. “I’m going to get us some more drinks, try to keep up with me.”

  
  


_ 2019 _

“Shelby—  _ No _ , I’m not getting up there.”

“Yes you are, come on, move your ass,” Shelby swung her leg up, climbing atop the flat rocks obscured from sight by a big oak tree. “It’s not that high.”

Audrey watched her with astonishment. How on earth could she still so flexible? She groaned loudly, “Shelby, I am not young anymore, I  _ will _ fall and break every single bone in my body.” 

Shelby leaned off the edge, “It’s not even that high.”

“ _ Shelby _ , I mean it!”

“Fine, hold on.” Shelby hopped off the rock. “Let me help you, I’ll give you a boost.” Her hands settled on Audrey’s waist, lips close to her ears. “Ready?” she asked.

A shiver went down her spine and she nodded, leaning back into Shelby’s touch. “If I fall,” she whispered, “I’m taking you with me.”

“You won’t fall,” Shelby laughed, “I’ve got you. Just put your foot on that ledge— good, there you go… Now your other foot on that one,”

“How on  _ earth _ was I able to do this twenty years ago?”

Shelby’s hands wandered down to Audrey’s hips. “You’re almost there,” she said, gently boosting her up the rock. 

“See,” Audrey said, panting slightly, “I’m on it now, but however will get down again?”

“How about we just enjoy the view and worry about that later?” Shelby climbed up the rock again and dropped down next to Audrey. “Isn’t the view worth the physical exertion though?” she sighed as she stared across the lake. 

Audrey smiled softly as she leaned back, her gaze drifting off towards Shelby. “I would say so, yes.”

And for a moment, they just sat there, silently taking in the view. Audrey scooted closer, hand resting atop Shelby’s. A melancholy feeling washed over her as she looked at her. What would her life have looked like had she never left? Would it be just as messy? Never finding love, always depending on her next gig to make ends meet, never settling down. It had been a while since her last job. Granted, it had been a significant part, and it had lasted her pretty long money-wise. Her manager was supposed to call her this week whether or not she had gotten a part she so desperately wanted. Still, with all her sorrows and anxieties, she had bombed the audition. Audrey had little to no hope.

“So what’s next for you?”

Audrey looked up, slightly disoriented from having been so deeply in her thoughts. “I— don’t know.” she said, “I’ve got one audition pending but I’m almost certain I didn’t get it. I’m almost nervous to go back to my normal life after this, there’s just not much left for me back home.”

Shelby nodded thoughtfully at this. “I feel you on that one.”

Smiling softly, she squeezed Shelby’s hand. “Yeah… I’ve been thinking of locking myself in a little cabin, remote from everyone and everything to finally sit down and finish my play. How about you, then?” she asked, “What do you have going on?”

“I’m not sure either,” Shelby said. “I would love to get away as well to be honest. Everything with my father and with Matt— it’s too much for me. I just need some time away.”

“We could always rent that cabin together,” Audrey smiled softly, thumb brushing over the back of Shelby’s hand. “You, me, Arlo, we could get out, you know? Screw everyone else.”

A soft smile tugged on Shelby’s lips. “That’s not such a bad idea.” she moved closer, shoulder brushing against Audrey’s, “Remember how it used to be? I loved being roommates with you, I loved our late night talks and movie nights and… Above all I just loved that you were only three metres away from me.” Her voice had been reduced to a bare whisper as she leaned in. “Don’t you think?”

Nodding softly, Audrey swallowed. Shelby was so close, now. “Yeah,” she whispered. “I miss having you near.”

“I miss you too.” Shelby tilted her head slightly, resting her forehead against Audrey’s. “I’m so happy to have you back, even if it’s temporary.”

Audrey nodded, almost incapable of a verbal response with Shelby so close to her, she could feel her breath tickle her cheek.

“What if you just… Stayed here?” Gently, Shelby raised her hand, fingers brushing over Audrey’s cheek.

“I do want that,” 

“I’d want that, too,” Shelby whispered. Then, startled by Audrey’s phone, she quickly moved away.

“I’m sorry, I have to take this one,” Audrey muttered. She grabbed her phone and scrambled up. “Sidney, hey,” anxiously, she ran a hand through her hair. Restlessly, she moved around, forcing herself to focus herself on her manager’s words. 

“Audrey, darling, I’ve got good news!” Sidney’s voice creaked through the speaker. “You got the job”

Audrey stopped mid-motion. “Excuse me?”

“They  _ loved _ you! You did great on the audition, they’re offering you a story arch for a minimum of ten episodes, maybe even  _ more _ !”

“Oh jesus,” She sat down beside Shelby again, who looked at her questioningly. “Are you being serious right now?”

Sidney laughed, a loud booming laugh that made Audrey remove the phone from her ear. “I’m dead serious! They’re giving you ‘til tomorrow to reply to the offer but you’re obviously doing it, right?”

Audrey didn’t reply. She wasn’t quite sure how to feel. Happy, sure, but a part of her felt a little sad, and she wasn’t quite sure what it was. 

“Hello? Earth to miss Tindall, you’re doing it, right?”

“I’ll call you back.” Audrey said curtly, and before Sidney could even try to protest, she’d hung up.

Shelby scooted closer. “Bad news?”

“No,” Audrey shook her head, “Great news. I got the job, they’re offering me a better part than before, even.”

“Oh…” Almost immediately, Shelby distanced herself. “That’s great, right?

Audrey nodded. “It’s amazing I just—” she sighed deeply, “I don’t know.”

“Aud, you must be  _ crazy _ if you’re thinking of declining this.” Shelby said. “This is such a huge opportunity!”

“I know,”

“This could totally give your career a little nudge to get you back on track!”

“Yes, Shelby, I  _ know _ ,” Audrey said curtly.

Shelby’s face dropped. Silently, she distanced herself even further.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to snap at you.” Audrey rested a hand on Shelby’s knee. “I really am sorry.”

“It’s fine,” said Shelby. “You don’t have to decide immediately, right?”

Audrey shook her head. “No, they’re giving me until tomorrow.”l

“What’s holding you back?”

_ You are.  _ Audrey thought,  _ I don’t want to leave again and make the same mistake as so many years ago.  _ “I don’t know,” she said, “I should be ecstatic.”

“Then why aren’t you happy?”

“I am… It’s just—” she sighed softly. “I don’t know, I just need some time to think, I guess. It’d be a huge commitment, It’ll likely take over a year, it’s a big project.”

Shelby nodded thoughtfully. “You shouldn’t make any rash decisions.” she said after a while. Then, she stood up “I should get going, though, I’ve got a ton of work to do at my dad’s place. You should go and help Monet, she’s probably waiting for you.”

“Shel…”

Shelby hopped down, off the rocks, clicking her tongue and slapping her thigh to call Arlo. 

“Shelby, wait—” Audrey hurried down to follow her. “I promised I’d help you.”

“Really, Aud, that’s okay, I’ll be fine. I’ll—”

Audrey shook her head. “Please, let me help you okay? I promised I’d help, I want to help.”

For a moment, Shelby seemed to ponder on this, then, she gave a small, curt nod. “Alright, let’s go, not too long, though I don’t want to take up any more of your time.”

And silently so, they made their way back to Shelby’s house. Something between them had shifted, Shelby no longer hooked her arm around Audrey’s, she no longer brushed her shoulder against hers, and meanwhile Audrey no longer chatted excitedly. 

Whatever they had began to build up again, now seemed broken down and damaged.

  
  


Audrey still recognised Shelby’s childhood home. She grimaced a little as she stood in the hallway, painfully reliving their last moments together before she moved back to England.

“Nothing has changed here,” she remarked. “It’s like we’ve stepped through a portal to the past.”

“Isn’t it?” 

“So many memories,” Audrey padded through the room. “I’m still astonished that you’ve read every single book in here.” She gently ran a finger over the colourful spines of the books in the grand case. “Oh my god- Shel!” Audrey took a book from the case. “You were  _ obsessed _ this one! You tried to make it read as well like- fifty times.”

Shelby looked up, “Oh my gosh!” she grabbed the book. “The price of salt! It’s been made into a movie, you know?  _ Carol? _ It’s such a beautiful story. You should still read it, you know, you can borrow my copy.”

“Oh,  _ fine, _ hand it over.”

With a satisfactory smile, Shelby handed the book over. “You won’t regret this, I promise you.”

Audrey scanned the rest of the books. “There’s photo albums here as well, oh my god!” She grabbed the first one, flipping through the pages. “look at us, we were so cute!”

“That haircut was  _ awful _ , why did I have that? Why didn’t you warn me?”

“Oh shut up, you’re so beautiful!” Audrey sat down on the floor, petting Arlo- who had immediately dashed towards her- and flipping through the book with a bright, sentimental smile. “This is so awesome.” she said as she brushed her fingers over the faded photographs. So many pictures of her younger self along with Shelby, they seemed so happy, so careless.  _ Quite a contrast with where we are now,  _ she thought morosely. She looked up to see Shelby restlessly walking around the room. “Are you okay?”

Shelby gave a small nod. Anxiously, she fidgeted with her necklace. “Yeah, I’m good.” she said, as though she was trying to convince herself of it as well.

Audrey put the book away. “My god,” she said, as she scanned the bottom shelf. “Shelby I found your diary!” she opened the notebook, fondly reading the neat handwriting. “ _ Dear diary _ ,” she read, “ _ Today was not a very good day. Lee has been getting on my last nerve at work and I swear to god, I am so close to just quitting altogether, it’s a shit job anyway.” _

“Jesus fuck,” Shelby groaned, “Please stop I can’t listen to this,”

Audrey grinned softly, “ _ I’ve tried doing yoga exercises before work but literally nothing helps, one of these days I’ll have a freak out and I’ll punch one of them in their annoying faces…” _

“I’m  _ out _ ,” she said, “I’m leaving!” she called out before running up the stairs, “You’re  _ awful _ , Audrey Tindall.”

“ _ Matt keeps telling me to just deal with it, he won’t listen to me whatsoever. It’s times like these,—”  _ Audrey fell quiet.  _ It’s times like these that I miss Audrey even more. She always listened to me, she never made me feel bad about talking about my feelings. Audrey understood me. Audrey listened to me. I miss her so much. _ Audrey’s heart wrenched. Beside that page, she had stuffed a letter. She turned it over to see her own name written on it with neat and curly letters. 

“Are you done?” Shelby called from upstairs.

Quickly, Audrey shoved the card into the pocket of her cardigan. “Yes, it’s safe, you can come back, you weirdo

Shelby peeked around the corner, with a pout. “Please don’t ever do that again.”

“I’m sorry,” Audrey laughed softly, “I promise I’ll be nice. She stood up again. “Maybe we could make lunch? Remember when we’d always cook together?”

“I distinctly remember you letting me do all the work while sipping wine because you got bored.”

“You said you didn’t mind! you liked cooking! Said it ‘calmed you down’ remember?”

Shelby laughed, “fair enough,” she said “let’s order something, I haven’t had the time to do groceries.”

An hour and many packed boxes later, their food finally had arrived. They had sat down on the fluffy rug in Shelby’s old room, where they had sat together so many times, sharing secrets, talking about their days, discussing various topics or just whatever was on their mind. With a sigh, Shelby lay down, staring at the ceiling. “Today has been so crazy,” she said, hand stroking Arlo’s little head, which rested on top of her stomach. 

“Hasn’t it?” Audrey lay down beside her and turned on her side. “I’ll be honest, I was hoping I’d run into you,” she said.

Shelby turned onto her side as well, facing Audrey “You were?”

Audrey nodded, “Yeah, I wanted to contact you but I wasn’t sure how or whether you wanted to.”

For a short moment, Shelby smiled. Then, for some inexplicable reason, her face fell again and she sat up, leaning her back against her bed. “It’s hard,” she whispered, “being here.”

“I know it is,” Audrey replied, “I’m sorry.”

“Everything here reminds me of the fact that he’s no longer here.” She blinked profusely, desperately trying to blink away her tears, but it was futile. She sighed, head hidden in her hands.

“Hey…” Audrey whispered as she sat up, moving beside her. “It’s okay. Come here, you” she wrapped her arms around Shelby. “It’s okay to cry.”

Eyes fluttering shut, Shelby leaned into Audrey’s embrace. “I miss him so much,” she whispered tearfully. “Everything here reminds me of him.”

“I know, sweetheart, I know, it’s okay, we’ll get through it.” Gently, Audrey began to rock her, softly humming a tune as she did so. “We’re okay.”

Shelby cried softly- Arlo whimpered along with her-, burying her face into the crook of Audrey’s neck and wrapping her arms around her. Audrey always knew how to calm her down, how to soothe her pain. Usually, having her beside her was comforting. Now, she felt scared. Soon, Audrey would be back in England, miles and miles away from her. Getting attached again, would only result in her getting hurt again. It would be wrong. Still— somehow it had felt so right. She pulled back slightly, immediately finding Audrey’s kind gaze. She rested her palms against her shoulders. Audrey leaned in slightly and Shelby could feel herself doing the same thing, barely leaving more than an inch of space between their lips and for a short moment, Shelby allowed herself to press her lips against Audrey’s. Then, startled by her own brief loss of inhibitions, she pulled back. “I’m sorry,” she whispered before scooting away. “I— I can’t do this. I’m not—”

“What— why?” disoriented, Audrey stood up. “You can’t keep doing this, you know.” she said, “You can’t keep kissing me, hinting to me that there is more between us when you don’t feel about me that way. It’s fine, I respect that it’s not mutual, but you can’t keep toying with my feelings! Things were okay between us, you seemed into it, into  _ me _ , and then I got that phone call and suddenly you’re icing me out again.”

Shelby sighed and averted her gaze. “You should go.”

Audrey stopped dead in her tracks. “Excuse me?”

“I said, ‘you should go_._’” Shelby said calmly. “Your life is in England, we were stupid to pretend that you wouldn’t be leaving again within a couple of days and that we’ll go back to ignoring each other. The more attached you get right now, the more it’ll hurt again later. We never should have let this get this far.”

“We don’t  _ have _ to go back to that.” Audrey sighed annoyedly. “We could have kept in touch, I could’ve… I  _ wanted  _ to stay. I want to move back.”

“I can’t let you.”

Audrey’s eyes shone with both sadness and anger. “And why the fuck is that?”

“Why does it matter to you?” Shelby’s voice cracked, “I have my reasons but they simply don’t matter, it won’t change anything at all. It’s too hard for me to say them out loud and I am asking you,  _ begging _ you to respect that, please.”

A chill ran down Audrey’s spine. She sat down again. “Please talk to me,” Audrey begged, “Please don’t shut me out. I love you, I still do. Never once stopped. I need you in my life,  _ please _ talk to me.” Tears trickled down her cheeks. Never once, had she bared her soul like this before. 

“I just can’t let you pass on all of these huge opportunities for me.”

“What opportunities? You mean those parts I was offered? Shelby- the biggest opportunity I passed on was getting to live my life with you.” Audrey whispered. She lifted her hands, framing Shelby’s face. “Please tell me it’s not too late.”

Completely and utterly conflicted, Shelby didn’t reply. She closed her eyes and rested her head against Audrey’s.

_ “Please,” _ Audrey prompted.

“I can’t tell you that,” Shelby repeated in a whisper, “I’m sorry, I need you to go now.”

Audrey sighed in defeat. “Fine,” she stood up and walked away. “Just so you know,” she said, “You and me- that’s never off the table. I love you, and I always will.”

And with that, Audrey walked out, leaving Shelby behind more broken than ever.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shelby and Audrey try to make amends because of course they do

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this AU is almost done and thank god I am so happy about that because I literally never finish anything. The story ends here, but there will still be a little epilogue

_ 2019 _

“Arlo, stop it,  _ down, boy. _ ”

Arlo nudged Shelby’s cheek. For hours now, she’d been laying on the fluffy rug of her childhood bedroom, curled up into a little ball and eyes screwed shut as she cried. “Arlo  _ please _ ,” she whispered. “Not now.”

Still, Arlo persisted. He nudged her over and over again until she sat up, petting him as he pressed his paws to her chest. “I can’t stop her from living her life. I can’t stand in the way of all of those big opportunities.” Shelby muttered softly, as though she expected Arlo to reply, as if she expected him to reassure her in some kind of way, to let her know she had done the right thing. She thought she had, but all of it just felt so wrong, she wasn’t so sure anymore. 

Arlo whined softly. “What’s wrong, boy?” Shelby brushed her hand over Arlo’s fur, cuddling him close. An aching sense of loneliness washed over her and a dull pain stung in her chest. She missed her, more than she had anticipated she would. The feeling of Audrey’s lips on hers still lingered, she could still smell Audrey’s perfume on her own clothes, her careless smile was still seared into her memory. Shelby stood up from the floor and lay down on her small bed. Arlo only whined louder in response and hopped on and sat beside her, licking her face. “I know, baby, I know,” she kissed the top if his head and scratched behind his ear. Arlo lay down, resting his head on Shelby’s chest, and whined one last time. Maybe it was Shelby’s inner voice projecting, but somehow, it gave her an inkling. Somehow, it made her see things more clearly than ever before. She wiped her tears away and sighed. She needed to fix this, and she needed to do that as soon as possible, before it was too late. 

  
  
  


Monét’s wedding had been a beautiful one. Fairy lights had twinkled on the ceiling, many flowers decorated the walls and tables and Monét’s husband had spoken so sweetly and so beautifully, hardly anyone in the room had been able to keep from crying. 

Audrey’s heart had hurt just a little, for she had longed for someone to love like that as well. Her shot had long passed and now she feared that there would be no more chances for her. 

The remainder of her stay had dragged on slowly. She had hardly gotten anything done, she had had plans to visit friends, to visit the places she used to go, but she had barely been able to drag herself out of bed. Her chest stung with an unbearable heartache. Before she knew it, her week in the States had already passed. Her bags were almost entirely packed up, and it was late at night, about ten hours before she would be flying back. That is, before she was  _ supposed _ to fly back. Much to her manager’s grudge, she had passed up on the offer. She wasn’t quite sure why, she’d just had a bad feeling about it. Maybe, deep down, she had naively thought that Shelby would change her mind, that she’d come back to her, but as her impending departure drew nearer, she began to realise it had been foolish to think so.

Because Monét had been on her honeymoon, Audrey had resorted to a small cabin near the edge of town of Monét’s. Monét had promised her that she was allowed to stay there for as long as she liked and invite whomever she liked. This last thing, she’d said with a goofy Monét-like smile. 

She may not have wanted it, but she longed for Shelby, still.

Coincidence, or perhaps even fate, does have a funny way of working, for when Audrey went outside for a walk, none other than Shelby stood right there in front of her, hand raised and about to knock on her door.

For a beat, neither spoke. Shelby was the first to recover. “Hey,” she whispered, “I’m sorry to disturb you at this hour, I—”

“What are you doing here?” Audrey interrupted. 

“I— I want to talk to you.”

Audrey scoffed, “Well I don’t want to talk to  _ you _ ,” she lied. She was about to close the door again when Shelby stopped her. 

“You’re mad, I get that.”

“ _ Of course _ I am mad,” Audrey hissed. She tried to keep her voice down, anxiously hoping neither of the curious neighbours had already caught wind of the situation. “You keep toying with my feelings and for what? You don’t even like me like that you made it abundantly clear.”

“Would you hear me out for just one minute,  _ please? _ ”

Audrey wanted to scream at her, she wanted yell and tell her exactly just how much she had hurt her but she couldn’t do it. She had had a weak for Shelby; her kind features, the innocent look in her morose blue eyes. Her heart broke all over again at Shelby’s distraught. “I—” 

“Please?” Shelby prompted.

“I am flying home tomorrow.” she said, pausing for a moment. “I can’t allow you to break my heart again,” Audrey said softly. “I can’t keep healing my heart and give it to someone who will break it again.”

Shelby took a tentative step closer. “I won’t,” she said, “Please, just trust me,”

Audrey sighed but opened the door further to let Shelby walk inside. “You get ten minutes.”

Awkwardly, Shelby shuffled inside. She sat down on the sofa, looking everywhere but at Audrey. 

“You know,” Audrey snapped, “I was doing just fine without you. Every time I think I am over you, you come waltzing back into my life, breaking down all my defenses only to flee and leave me broken again.”

“It’s not as if I am doing it on purpose to hurt you!”

“Then  _ why _ do I end up getting hurt any way?”

Shelby sighed. “I did not come here to fight, if you’re going to yell at me I’ll leave.”

“So then why  _ are _ you here? Because I am mere hours away from flying back. What are you doing here? Why now? Why not a week ago when I begged you to talk to me?”

Shelby opened her mouth to reply but something on the floor caught her gaze. Forlornly, she stared at something near her foot

“What is it?” Audrey asked

“Why is this here?”

“Why is what here?”

Shelby held up an envelope. “This is mine.”

Blushing slightly, Audey grabbed the letter. It must’ve fallen out of her pocket from when she had taken it from Shelby’s house. She’d forgotten about it. “It’s addressed to me.” she said, pointing at the name. 

“I wrote that nearly twenty years ago, I thought you were doing _ fine _ without me so why would it matter to you now?”

“Because whatever is in there must be important since you are so adamant on keeping it from me.”

For a moment, neither spoke. A palpable tension clung to the air as an uncomfortable silence lingered. “You know— I came here to  _ tell _ you all that was in it,” Shelby said eventually, her tone much kinder than before, “Nothing has changed since then, I still feel the same. Although right now you’re making it a little harder for me.” Shelby fidgeted with her ring. “If you want to read it— go for it. It may be easier for me if you do.”

Audrey gave a small nod. Her features softened. With trembling hands, she opened the envelope, folding out the letter.

_ Dearest Audrey, _

_ In just a few days, you’re going to be flying back to London. Just like that; you’re off to do amazing things. I am so very proud of you. There are some things I never told you. I never thought I really had to, I never knew I wouldn’t be having the time.  _

_ The thing is… I have fallen for you, hopelessly so. I think I loved you before I even know the meaning of love. Exactly for that reason, I am not sure I could ever send you this letter.  _

Audrey looked up at Shelby, confused and disoriented for just a moment, as if she couldn’t quite believe what she was reading. A tingling sensation spread through her chest and settled in the pit of her stomach. 

Shelby gave an affirming nod that, yes, she read that correctly, “Go on,” she said softly. 

_ What I want for you is to live your life. I want you to be successful, to flourish and to do what you’re so good at. I want you to share your talent with the world. Even though I’d want it, I can’t keep you to myself. Everyone needs to see your brightly shining light. You’re going to go so very far, and I will always be there, cheering you on.  _

_ I love you with all my heart, but I can’t hold you back. I can’t let you throw away your dream. You need to go out there, you would be miserable staying here without being challenged. You have a fire within that can’t be tamed and that is okay. Your fire is exactly what drew me in.  _

_ I wish you so much love and happiness in this world, my dear Audrey. I hope I am making the right choice. I’ll love you forever. _

_ Shelby _

Tears streamed down Audrey’s cheeks. All her previous anger dissipated almost instantly. “Why didn’t you tell me this all those years ago?”

“I was… just scared.” Shelby dried her eyes with her sleeve. “I wanted you to live your life, I didn’t want us to be together only to have you resent me for holding you back years later.”

“I could never.”

Shelby scooted closer. “You don’t know that. I didn’t want to risk it, you needed to live before settling down.” She cradled Audrey’s hands in her own. “I love you,” her voice was soft, almost inaudible as she spoke, “I’m sorry I was too much of a coward to tell you.” 

“We could have been so  _ happy _ ,”

The crack in Audrey’s voice sent a pang of guilt and heartache through her chest. “Yeah we could have,” Shelby murmured. “I’m sorry.” Tentatively, she wrapped her arms around Audrey, comfortingly rocking her. “We still could?”

Audrey leaned into Shelby’s embrace, shoulders heaving as she cried in her arms. “—but you broke my heart so many times.”

“I know,” Shelby bit her lip, “I know, I am sorry.” Gently, she combed her fingers through Audrey’s short hair. “I am so sorry for hurting you I just— I panicked.”

“How can I trust you?”

Shelby pulled back slightly, lifting Audrey’s chin and letting their eyes meet. “It will take time, I know that. All I ask is that you give me a chance to earn back your trust. I promise you, Audrey, I will not hurt you ever again.” she whispered. “I love you, and if you’ll allow me your heart again, I promise I will cherish it forever. I know— I  _ know _ I ask a lot of you but I hope you can find it in your heart to trust me again.”

Sniffling slightly, Audrey shook her head, “I don’t know,” She rested her palms against Shelby’s and averted her gaze. “I don’t—” Audrey sighed deeply. “I’m scared.”

“There’s no need. I’m here. I’m not going anywhere. I’ll come to London with you if that’s what it takes.”

“I declined the job.”

“Oh…” Now it was Shelby’s turn to sigh. “I had hoped you wouldn’t have.”

“There’s many things I hoped for, too, that never happened either,” Audrey replied blankly. Her heart still ached in her chest. She was utterly conflicted. A part of her wanted nothing more than to just give in, to surrender herself completely to Shelby’s mercy, but the other part yelled at her to flee, to put up her guard, not allowing a single soul to hurt her feelings ever again. “I was scared that I was making the same mistake again.”

“Do you think you can trust me?”

Audrey hesitated for a second but nodded. 

Shelby raised her hand, caressing the side of Audrey’s face. “Can I kiss you, then?”

“Only if you mean it.” Audrey leaned in, noses brushing together. “My heart can’t take another blow.”

Nodding, Shelby closed her eyes and ever so delicately, as if she were afraid she would break if she pressed too hard, she touched her lips to Audrey’s. Her heart pounded in her chest as Audrey scooted closer, into her lap. Over and over their lips met, chastely at first but quickly growing bolder. Every fiber of her being desperately longed for her, had done so ever since they met many moons ago. 

Arms wrapped around her neck, Audrey pulled her closer, bodies flush against one another. She parted her lips slightly, groaning softly as she let her tongue slide against Shelby’s. Her hands wandered up, fingers tangling in her long blonde hair. 

Breathlessly, Shelby severed the kiss, touching her forehead to Audrey’s. Her chest heaved. For a moment, she kept her eyes shut. She wanted to relish the moment for just a while longer. A part of her felt frightened, almost as if Audrey would be gone when she opened her eyes, as if everything had just been a very cruel trick or figment of her imagination. But two soft hands sliding out of her hair to frame her face ground her back to reality again. Delicate fingers brushed over her lips in a gentle caress. “Are you okay?” 

Shelby nodded, “Never better,”

Leaning down, Shelby pressed her lips to Audrey’s again, so much more forthright this time. For so long, she had wanted to do this but for so long she hadn’t  _ allowed _ herself to. Nothing had ever felt more right. 

Audrey grinned into the kiss, straddling her waist as she moved on top. Dipping down she pressed kisses to Shelby’s jaw, down her throat and neck. 

Soft hands brushed up and down Audrey’s sides, tugging her closer, before slipping beneath the hem of her dress, settling on her thighs, where her fingers drew soothing, repetitive shapes on her skin.

Dipping lower, Audrey’s hands fidgeted with Shelby’s sweater, tugging it over her head and tossing it off somewhere to the side. 

Shelby sat up, quickly undressing Audrey inbetween her blazing kisses, eyes hungrily scanning her skin. 

Through hooded lids, Audrey looked at Shelby, eyes darkened by her heightened arousal. She pressed her down on the sofa and kissed her. Audrey moved slowly, every touch deliberate and meaningful. She didn’t rush anything, mindful to sear every second of it into her memory. She had Shelby with her, and that was all that mattered. Nothing else seemed important, no one else but them existed. Her hands moved down, brushing over Shelby’s body, and halted on her hips. “Is this okay?” she murmured against her lips.

“ _ Please _ ,” Shelby groaned, hips bucking up into her touch. She sighed softly, moaning as Audrey’s fingers teased, lightly rubbing her through the wet fabric of her underwear. “Jesus, Audrey, just  _ touch _ me,”

“I’m in no hurry,” Audrey said softly, kissing her again and nipping at her bottom lip. “I just love seeing you like this.” She pressed a trail of kisses down her neck, sucking a bruise to bloom on her neck. Audrey grinned. She slipped one hand inside her underwear, dragging her fingers through the slick wetness before pushing them inside, pumping at an agonizingly slow pace.

Shelby moaned into their kiss, “ _ Audrey—” _ she breathed. Her heart thumped wildly, body vibrating with pleasure and hips grinding up against Audrey’s hand in a silent request for more. 

Hardly capable of denying her any longer, Audrey increased speed, thumb running tight circles around her most sensitive spot. 

And it’s too much for Shelby, for she was quickly reduced to a quivering mess. She cradled Audrey’s face in her hand, lovingly caressing the side of her face. “I love you,” Waves of pleasure wrecked her body and tears began to leak from the corners of her eyes as she cried out. She wrapped her arms around Audrey, pulling her flush against herself. A pleasant shiver ran down her spine as she wrapped her legs around Audrey’s waist, cuddling her close. In her heart, she felt a warm sense of security. As if she had finally found the last piece of a puzzle and everything was complete, now. Audrey completed her. “I love you,” she repeated, as if she was trying to make up for having left those words unsaid for all those years and now, she had opened up, completely baring her soul to Audrey. 

Audrey smiled, pressing sweet kisses to her cheeks and nose and lips. Gently, she wiped her tears away. “My darling,” she murmured as she brushed her hair from her face. “I love you too. So very much.”

  
  
  


The first thing Shelby noticed when she woke up was the cold, caused by absence of Audrey’s warm body against her own. She shivered. On the ground, she found her sweater. She could still smell Audrey’s perfume on it as she pulled it on. 

“Hey,” Audrey sat down beside her, gently pressing against her shoulder. “Stay down… It’s late baby, go back to sleep.”

“What are you doing?”

“Just packing up my last couple of things,”

Shelby looked up, bewildered. “You’re leaving?”

“I— don’t know. My plane leaves in a couple of hours, I can’t stay here forever, I have to get my affairs in order back in England.”

Shelby sat up. “What does this mean?”

“For what?”

“For  _ us _ ,”

Audrey sighed and took Shelby’s hand in hers, “I don’t know,” 

“Yesterday you seemed sure.”

“Shelby…”

“Are you going to leave me?”

Audrey didn’t reply, conflicted as she was. She wanted nothing more than to stay, to see how things would work between them, to be with Shelby forever and to devote herself to her. Still, her doubts had returned, she had her entire life in England. Her friends, her family, her  _ job _ , was she able to give all that up?

“Audrey?” Shelby breathed shallowly. “Please don’t leave me. Not now that we have found each other again.”

The crack in Shelby’s voice was enough to snap her out of it; of course she was willing to sacrifice all that for her. 

“I’m not,” Audrey said quickly, god, how could she have even doubted her decision? “Of course I’m not, I am so sorry.” She leaned in close and pressed a soft kiss to Shelby’s lips. “

“Audrey...” Her chest heaved and her breathing had turned even more laboured. “Oh God,” she whispered. 

“Are you okay, my love?”

Shelby shook her head, her breathing sped up, so much so that she felt as though she was about to choke. “Audrey,” she repeated, “I’m—”

“Shh… It’s okay, try to calm down, I’m here.” Audrey murmured. “Come sit upright. I’m here, I’m not going anywhere, of course I won’t.” She vaguely remembered Shelby’s attacks and what to do but at that moment, her memory completely blanked. “Try to breathe, now, sweetheart, in through your nose, out through your mouth.”

Shelby nodded. She planted her feet firmly on the ground, resting her elbows on top of her knees. Pain stung through chest and her vision turned blurry. Eyes screwed shut, she tried to focus on her breathing, two seconds in, four seconds out, two seconds in, four seconds out. Slowly as minutes upon minutes ticked by, she began to calm down. 

A delicate hand landed on her shoulder. “Are you feeling better, sweetheart?”

Shelby took a shuddery breath and shook her head. “I’m sorry,” she whispered. 

“You don’t have to apologise for that, silly. Hey? Can I touch you? Is that okay?” Shelby nodded and immediately, Audrey flung her arms around her, kissing her cheek. “It’s okay, my love.”

Sniffling, Shelby let her head fall to Audrey’s shoulder. “I feel so bad,” she muttered. “So drained.”

“Go back go sleep, We’ll just stay here together. We’ll just lay here, you and I. I promise am not going anywhere for now.” Audrey’s voice and the scent of her trademark floral perfume lulled her into a calming sense of security. Slowly, she lay down pulling Shelby along with her. “Just like that.” she murmured as she grabbed a blanket from the basket beneath the table, wrapping it around Shelby. “Do you remember how we used to lie like this whenever you couldn’t sleep?”

That brought a smile to Shelby’s face. “I always liked it when you’d sing to me,”

“Sadly I can’t sing anymore,”

“I still like hearing your voice, though.” Shelby turned in Audrey’s embrace. She lifted her hand, resting it on top of Audrey’s chest, right over her heartbeat.

“Hey,” she whispered, “Thank you for helping me, I don’t know what I would have done had you not been here,” Eyes fluttering shut, she pressed a soft lingering kiss to Audrey’s lips.

“You don’t have to thank me for that, sweetpea,” Audrey caressed her cheek and pressed a kiss to her forehead. “Sleep, now. I love you, darling.”

“I love you too,” Shelby murmured. She cuddled close to Audrey and slowly, protected by her embrace, she drifted off, back into a peaceful slumber.


	5. Epilogue

Soft, twinkling lights decorate the walls and ceilings. The melodic tunes of a love song play as Audrey holds Shelby close, gently swaying to the music. 

After all that had happened, they had stayed at Monet’s cabin for a couple of days until both had to return to their obligations. Shelby had to go back to her job in Los Angeles and Audrey had to go back to her life in England

It has taken them months, years almost to find each other, truly find each other again. There were moments of sorrow, misunderstanding, heartbreak even, moments in which they fought, times in which they momentarily lost sight of each other. As much as Shelby wanted to, it wasn’t always lilacs and laughter. Still in the end they always managed to work through anything. In the end, neither of them ever had to feel lost again, for they had each other. 

So when Audrey finally proposed, Shelby happily accepted. 

And on an unseasonably warm evering in March, they exchanged their vows beneath the full moon and thousands of brightly shining stars. 

Shelby smiles happily as Arlo jumps against her leg. Audrey had given him a small floral bow tie to wear to their wedding and he had looked adorable. Delightedly, she pets him on his head. She lets her head fall to Audrey’s shoulder and sighs contently. Her heart feels as though it may overflow with her love. For too long, she had caged her feelings. She had locked them away tightly, not allowing herself to feel the way she did and now, she finally felt free. 

Audrey smiles and tenderly brushes her fingers through Shelby’s hair. Not in a million years she would have dreamed that her life would go like this. After declining the job Sidney had gotten her, she had launched herself in an entirely different career; she was on her way to become a renowned playwright. Shelby loved her stories, had loved them ever since Audrey told them to her when they were younger, whenever she couldn’t sleep. 

It makes her heart burst with pride. 

“Hey,” Audrey nudges Shelby with her nose. The song slowly comes to an end and fades into a new one, a familiar one. “You remember this song?” 

Shelby does, she remembers it instantly, it’s the one that played all those years ago when they said their goodbyes, when Audrey was about to leave. She nods, “Of course I do,” she says, “You know, I used to always listen to it whenever I got sad.”

Audrey laughs, a light, careless sound that makes Shelby’s heart sing with joy. “Of course you would, you’re sentimental like that.” She leans in and touches her head to hers. “I love you so much,” she murmurs. “So much it hurts.”

“I love you too,” Shelby replies, “Promise you'll never leave me again, my heart wouldn’t be able to take it.”

Audrey smiles softly. She lifts herself to the very tips of her toes and presses a sweet kiss to Shelby’s lips. 

“You have my promise.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> to those who read it all, thank you for sticking with me

**Author's Note:**

> oop ;) lmk what you guys think bc I crave validation but also value critique??
> 
> Any way you know where to find me, come say Hi to me on twitter (sequerelucem) or insta (b.riarcliffs)


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